


finding my way to you

by prompto



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, I hate angst but I did the thing, M/M, boy's kissing, yes another amnesia fic from me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-17
Updated: 2015-02-17
Packaged: 2018-03-13 11:06:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3379271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prompto/pseuds/prompto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Souji rediscovers himself with Yosuke's help. It doesn't help that Yosuke's been in love with Souji for years though.</p>
            </blockquote>





	finding my way to you

**Author's Note:**

> I got this idea, and I wrote it as soon as I could. I did the thing.

His lips had been chapped that one summer afternoon. It was closing in on the end of June, and things were just as boring as ever in the backwater town of Inaba. Thank the gods he was only in town for a visit that afternoon.

The notion that action had to be going on in order to give him a sense of purpose had long since left Yosuke after the murders and investigation rocked the lives of not only his own but so many others around him. People he had grown close to had proven to be more than enough to fill that sense of what had been lacking in his life.

Of course there was still one thing mission-- there had been for a while.

The idea of love had always been so fickle with him. He was always running around in his own mind, convincing himself that the strong tug he had towards his best friend was nothing more than a minor set-back or a bad lapse in judgement. Maybe he had just wanted attention or he was just jealous in certain ways-- maybe he just wanted to be more like Souji.

No-- he knew none of it was true.

Especially the day he got the call that had him almost tripping down the stairs in his parent's home to make his way out the door as fast as he could.

There had been an accident. It had been one that could easily scale on being as serious as when Dojima was hospitalized or when everyone thought Nanako to be dead.

Yosuke felt his heart pounding so hard he thought it might explode through his chest. The thoughts that filled his mind ranged from Souji just being Souji and smiling at him, and the images were all altered to the worst of scenarios that had him almost trembling while he tried to call as many of his friends as he could while catching the subway to take him a few stops over to where Souji was being hospitalized.

The idea of losing Souji forever had Yosuke so scared. He could hardly manage to tell the nurse who he was trying to see, and being guided up to the waiting room didn't help calm his nerves at all. He fidgeted, trying to focus enough to answer concerned texts or at least attempt to voice the news on calls from Yukiko and then Kanji.

Everyone would be here soon in their own time. The only thing Yosuke worried about was being able to see Souji again.

The way he paced the room and racked his brain on how he could've let his feelings go without being said for so long-- Yosuke knew he had to tell Souji. He had to make it known how he felt because..the idea of never seeing Souji again-- if he  _died_ \-- the very idea had Yosuke close to openly sobbing. The more time dragged on he felt himself being pulled more in that direction, but the flash of a white labcoat and a wave of a hand from one of the doctors had him immediately running over.

"What happened and I mean how is he?" Yosuke ran his hands against the sides of his jacket, trying not to fidget as they walked down the hallway and into one of the patient rooms nearby.

Upon entering, the curtain was drawn to hide whoever was inside. Yosuke instantly felt his throat tighten up at the sound of the heart monitor beeping.

"He was hit by a car. The damage is surprisingly less severe than would be expected given how fast the car was going when he was hit; regardless, he has some stitches and heavy bruising. He was very lucky in only getting by with a sprained ankle, a few broken ribs, and a broken arm."

The doctor continued on to summarize treatment to which Yosuke found himself quickly tuning out and heading towards the curtain. He tugged on it gently, seeing Souji come into view as he laid on the bed. It was no surprise he was unconscious, though Yosuke had inwardly hoped he might've been awake.

"There's one other thing..."

Yosuke moved over to the bed, his hand reaching down to trace his fingers softly over the top of Souji's bandaged hand.

"When we brought him in he was barely conscious, and before he was put under by the medication for surgery-- he didn't remember who he was."

"From what the nurses described, he couldn't remember anything. It is more than likely a minor case of amnesia due to the accident; however, there's no set time for when he might regain his memory. I'm sorry."

With the doctor being done with his part in the scheme of things, Yosuke was left alone for a few moments. He knew his friends would arrive soon, and the last thing he really wanted was to be caught openly crying on top of his best friend. Sure no one would blame him, but it was embarrassing and..he hated seeing Souji like this.

It was so easy to get used to the image of Souji being strong and confident and never failing in accomplishing anything. To see him bandaged and bruised and not smiling back at him-- it was enough to break Yosuke's heart possibly even more than a rejection ever could.

* * *

The first time Souji woke up was like living through one of his worst nightmares.

Yosuke found himself accessing patience more than he ever thought he'd ever need to, not to mention holding back from crying at one of his worst fears coming to life had been just as difficult. The idea of being forgotten by the one person you love beyond all reason was not something that would ever be okay with him. He hated whatever game fate was playing at this point.

For whatever reason, no one could get ahold of Rise.

Messages had been left with her manager, but apparently she was just too busy with the tour to really bother returning. It was still odd how she hadn't even returned a single call. Yosuke couldn't find it in him to worry about that now though-- he'd have to leave it for the girls to handle.

Given Souji's parents were out of town again (no surprise there) for a large case, that left either Dojima or Yosuke in charge of taking care of him. Yosuke had no idea Souji had listed him as another means of contact for medical situations..but for some reason it made him feel just a little bit better. Only a little. Taking care of Souji would at least settle the never-ending anxiety over this entire situation. The last thing Nanako needed was to see his cousin in such a state as well.

"So Yosuke, what do we usually do when we hang out?"

Yosuke sat at Souji's bedside, leaning up to fluff his pillow some before rubbing the back of his head in thought.

"Well it just depends. I mean we go out for a bite to eat or just chill out here and play games or sometimes you force me to study too." Yosuke smiled at remembering how Souji had started helping him with his college-level math lately..well up until the accident happened.

"And this fiancee I apparently have, what do me and her do?"

"Uh-u-h well I mean I don't know since a third party usually doesn't go along on dates."

Souji hummed softly while scratching his cheek. "I guess so. I still think it's weird that she's not here if she's really so important to me."

"Yeah man, so do I." Yosuke sighed while looking over at a dresser that clearly had some of Rise's belongings in it. They'd gotten to where they were practically moving in together-- he had to stop thinking so much on this. It wasn't important right now.

"But anyways, if you want we can game some since you can't really do much else for a while." Yosuke smiled, moving to grab the two PS3 controllers and handing one to Souji who perked up curiously.

It was...nice. Something so simple was nice. Having Souji near him and partaking in subtle hints of banter and curses, it was a much-needed thing after the stress and chaos from the past week.

* * *

Time started passing by relatively quickly with Souji staying with him.

One week Souji had managed to still help Yosuke with his schoolwork. Apparently he had a case of amnesia to where he only remembered fragments of things. It was apparent since he would stare at Yosuke for long durations of time as if he was trying to figure out a puzzle in his mind. That feeling of hope fluttered in Yosuke and gave him the strength he needed to believe in Souji's recovery.

Another week was comprised of Yosuke going through albums and relating old stories to Souji in hopes of jogging his memory. Souji had also taken to watching the Food Network quite alot, so clearly he was falling back on hobbies he loved which made Yosuke happy since it had Souji smiling and taking notes on recipes.

Somewhere between week four and five he managed to get Souji in a wheelchair, and the doctor said he was close to having the cast off his arm. His ankle and bruises had healed enough to where he could walk, but only for short durations of time. He'd have to rebuild the muscles some before he'd be back to 100% again.

The end was in sight, and for some reason Yosuke didn't want to leave Souji.

They'd been living together for going on two months at this point, and the day Souji had his cast taken off Yosuke found himself fighting on whether he should ask if Souji still wanted him to stay.

"So...I don't know if you're okay with living alone again yet but--"

"I was actually going to suggest if you stay with me a while longer. I mean I don't have my memory back yet, and my supposed fiancee still hasn't made any attempts at getting in touch with me so.."

"Yeah and I know your parents are really tied up in that case which is open-ended now." Yosuke nodded as they slowly walked down the stairs to the subway. Souji leaned on him occasionally for support which was such a nice feeling that made him feel warm and..

"I think it's best you still stay with me." Souji chuckled softly, staring over at Yosuke while they leaned against a pillar and waited for the train to arrive.

"Well I won't complain with that partner." Yosuke found himself smiling too.

* * *

"So why aren't you dating anyone?"

Yosuke actively stopped in his attempt at cutting a tomato.

Somehow he had gotten dragged into helping Souji make dinner that night. It was one of Souji's many ways of saying thank you for Yosuke taking care of him for so long.

"I uhh, just haven't found anyone I'm really interested in I guess." Yosuke ducked his head away, trying to calm the way his cheeks were turning as red as the tomato he was failing at cutting.

Souji laughed lightly while adding some more seasoning to the beef he was frying in the wok.

"Did we ever date?"

Yosuke almost threw the knife in his sudden flailing.

This was how he was going to die for sure.

"W-Wha-wh-no-S-Souji why-"

"I'm just asking since we seemed to be really close and it's not like you're not cute or anything.."

Yosuke found himself trying to remember to breathe and not to choke on air.

"W-well no I mean, no." Words were failing him as hard as he was. "I just, we never- no. No just to answer your question no- no we didn't."

Souji was staring at him as if trying to calculate something-- or maybe just trying to figure out why Yosuke was having such a hard time answering the question.

"All right." The silverette then shrugged and turned back to his cooking.

Yosuke was a nervous wreck the rest of the day.

* * *

Souji wrapped his arm around Yosuke's shoulders as they joked around. They were heading downtown to get some new game or another that Yosuke was raving about. He'd only been waiting for Zombieapocalypse 3 for the past two years now.

"You have so much more swag than me, that's why you were always getting all the girls in high school." Yosuke mumbled, trying not to laugh as Souji ruffled the back of his hair some.

"Whatever, you're alot cuter than me so I think that's a lie."

"Sample for the happy couple- come try one!" A young woman in her early twenties at best held out a tray of small pieces of cake. It was apparently to draw in customers for some bakery or another.

Yosuke instantly went wide-eyed, drawing back from Souji's touch which somehow still remained around his shoulders almost tightly. He wanted to curl up and die from embarrassment.

"What-we aren't a--"

"Thanks we'll take a piece. Maybe we'll come by on the way back from where we're headed." Souji took a piece of the cake, smiling at her before guiding Yosuke back in the right direction to resume their whole purpose for coming out.

"D-Dude why did you- we aren't dating!" Yosuke huffed, his face completely red and only getting worse at feeling how Souji still was holding him close. People were staring he swore they were, and looking back he saw the way the woman from the bakery winked at him. Oh god.

"It's free food, not to mention I never thought you of all people would turn that down."

Yosuke grumbled while crossing his arms and trying not to focus on just how warm Souji was and how good he smelt with that cologne--

* * *

Life was about as hard as he was right now.

Yosuke was on the floor, pressed up against the door of his bedroom, legs spread and hand wrapped around his cock. It was too hot. The thoughts in his mind had him reveling in the idea of Souji doing such things to him instead. Touching him, saying how much he wanted him like this just writhing and desperate and-- fuck his hand stroked and flicked at the tip and Yosuke whimpered so loud that he had to bite back the noises.

It was difficult enough finding time to get off anymore. Being so close to Souji all the time made it nearly impossible to control his thoughts, not to mention he hadn't been intimate with anyone in months.

He just wanted Souji on him and his cock fucking him or maybe Yosuke would even ride him just to show him how much he wanted him and loved him and god that thought had him shuddering and stroking almost desperately for that need to come.

Lips parted as he panted, unable to control his whimpers and moans with subtle hints of Souji's name falling in between. He'd only have a few more minutes before Souji would return since the store he ran off to was just down the street.

God what if Souji heard him? Would he come in and do all the things Yosuke wanted or would he just stand outside listening and maybe get off to it too-- would it make Souji hot knowing how hard Yosuke was for him and wet and  _fuck_  there was so much pre-cum it was dripping on the floor and making such a mess-

Yosuke choked out Souji's name, thinking of Souji's lips on his own and fucking him so hard that anything else regarding the wrongness of the entire situation just didn't matter in that moment. His body trembled, the rush of his orgasm hitting him hard and making him come even harder that. With some hints of white even getting in his hair, he'd be forced to take a shower.

In the afterglow he reflected on his thoughts that would never come into existence. It was always like this.

Soaking in the warmth of the water afterward, Yosuke found himself crying in his shame and regret. Knowing he'd never get Souji in all the ways he wanted was a pain that he'd never get used to.

* * *

When Rise finally came home, the shock of the situation was like a weight that refused to let up. She was a flurry of disbelief and anger. Her manager had purposefully cut her off from all means of communication despite his promise to let her know if any sort of emergencies arose at any point.

"Oh god Souji, baby you really don't remember me at all do you.." She sat down in front of him, staring at him closely while running a hand on his cheek.

Souji shook his head while almost tensing up some at the hand on his cheek. This woman was a complete stranger to him.

"I don't." He reached up to take her hand and set it back down on her own lap.

"How long did they say this could last?" Her gaze shifted from Souji and over to Yosuke who was leaning against the kitchen counter watching the scene from afar.

"No one really knows. He could just kind of snap out of it one day, that's what we hope for at least." Yosuke mumbled the last part while looking back down at his phone. He wasn't thrilled with Rise being back given it was going to change everything, of course, Souji was never his to begin with so it wasn't like he had any sort of claim on him.

"Oh well, I'm not going anywhere now that I'm here. The tour is over with so my schedule has cleared up enough to where I can stay in the city here and be with you." Rise smiled while leaning up to kiss Souji's cheek.

"That's great. I suppose we should spend some time together seeing as we are engaged." Souji looked over at Yosuke who was clearly trying to distract himself on purpose. "Yosuke you can still stay if you want."

"Oh no that's fine. I should probably get back to my apartment anyways since I'm still paying rent on the place." And he would be beyond uncomfortable staying here now.

* * *

Yosuke was barely home a few hours before he found himself already going stir-crazy.

Leaning back against the counter, he sipped on a beer while trying to piece together the past two months of his life. He'd spent so much time with Souji it almost felt like they had been living together..almost like a couple would.

Trying to douse the idea from his mind, he drank more of the alcohol in an attempt to relax and also forget.

By this point Rise was probably getting cozy with her future husband, maybe chatting about stupid things revolving around her tour and doing her own flirty things that she always did. It was always sickening being in their presence for too long given how touchy-feely Rise was with Souji.

Moving into the living room, Yosuke flipped on the TV, almost wondering if he should go out tonight and find someone to possibly hook up with. One night stands were nothing he was proud of and the few he had up to this point had left him feeling awkward each time. But still, he found himself opting to sit on the couch and maybe kill some zombies to relieve his frustration instead.

Just as he switched on his PS3, there was a knock on his door.

"Who the hell.." He hadn't invited anyone over, and from what he knew all of his friends were busy tonight. He had already checked for that distraction earlier.

Looking through the peep hole, he saw silver hair and that was all he needed to see before he was opening the door and looking at Souji completely confused.

"Partner what are you doing here? I thought you were with Rise-"

"She's a complete stranger to me."

Souji moved past Yosuke and into the apartment.

"Well yeah of course she is, that's why you just have to get to know her again the same way you did with me." Yosuke closed the door, staring at Souji who was running a hand through his hair. How did his hair always fall back so perfectly-- no now wasn't the time to get distracted by Souji's perfection.

"I know, but she just doesn't seem like someone I would want to be with or even marry."

Yosuke shook his head, the confusion deepening while he stepped forward.

"Are you kidding me? Souji before you were always telling me how she was your type-- well you wouldn't know that now, but you guys have been together for a few years now and I just don't get it what's going on?"

Souji stopped and looked at Yosuke hard for a long moment.

For some reason there was a tension in the air between them, and it was in that moment that Yosuke realized it that Souji used it as an opportunity to move forward and close the distance between them.

Souji was on him so fast Yosuke didn't have time to process anything.

He felt Souji's lips on his own and hands roaming over his body. His frame was pushed back against the front door, feeling Souji rubbing against him as his hands were grabbed and pinned. The kiss was rough and heated and everything Yosuke had ever imagined could never measure up to how fucking amazing of a kisser that Souji was.

"How were we never together-- Yosuke  _how_ \--"

"S-Souji...this is  _wrong,_  we shouldn't be doing this." Yosuke found his voice of reason, but it was quickly slipping away with how Souji ran his hands up his sides and pressed against him in a way that had him so hard.

"Did you ever want this, I have to know."

Yosuke found himself caught between being brutally honest and lying so much that he was sure it would hurt more than anything else he had ever endured up until that point.

"I...I want to say no but that'd be a lie."

Souji leaned in to kiss Yosuke again in the way that he had always longed for.

"Oh god...Souji I.."

"..I want to stay, but you're right this isn't something we should do." Souji sighed, looking off to the side. If he hadn't had obligations before all of this, he was sure things would be different.

"Yeah.." Yosuke felt that hope rise and fall so fast that he almost forgot how to breathe.

"I should go. I'll talk to you soon." The sound of regret was heavy on Souji's tongue as he left.

Yosuke found himself on the ground openly sobbing in a way that he had been holding back for what felt like years.

* * *

It was a week later that Yosuke realized he hadn't heard from Souji at all.

Time had dragged on, and he had been wrestling with the idea of texting Souji. But he'd already sent a few messages with no response. It seemed as if Souji was going to be serious in his endeavor to get to know Rise, and it was probably best that Yosuke didn't bother them.

Coming home from class that Friday afternoon, he found Rise standing outside of his apartment complex.

"Rise, what's up? I thought you'd be with Souji?"

Rise looked up at him with a strange sort of gaze.

"I...I just came to give you something."

Yosuke looked confused. "Give me something? Is it something from your tour?"

"Oh no." Rise shook her head, reaching into her purse to take out a small box.

Yosuke's eyebrows furrowed together as he felt the lite weight of the box in his hand.

"Look um, most of this is probably better for Souji to tell you. But, I will say that I always thought this would happen at some point. I guess I was just hoping it wouldn't, but I love both you alot and I wouldn't trust Souji to anyone else besides you."

The layers of confusion and underlying suggestions had Yosuke forgetting how to speak.

"I just wanted you to give that back to him seeing as I won't be needing it anymore."

Rise turned to start walking away from the complex.

"Wait Rise- what's going on I really have no idea-"

"Trust me you'll find out soon. I have to go." She waved somewhat while continuing to walk away and soon disappeared in the crowd of people.

Yosuke opened the box to find what appeared to be Rise's engagement ring inside. All the air was taken from his lungs. Tears prickled from his eyes as he found himself running into the complex and upstairs as fast as he could.

Pushing open the stairwell door, he was out of breath upon reaching the third floor. Still he didn't stop, and circled through the hallway until he reached his apartment to see Souji sitting on the ground outside his door. Bags were packed and laying beside of him as he was looking down at his phone.

"S-Souji...what the hell is going on?"

Souji stood up, putting his phone into his pocket before staring back at Yosuke.

Yosuke silently held out the box to Souji.

"I figured she'd give it back."

Souji took the box, running his thumb over the top of it before pocketing it as well.

"Why." Yosuke couldn't even bring himself to think about anything else. He had to know what the hell was going on before he went crazy.

"I remembered. This morning I remembered everything."

"So you remembered that you were engaged to Rise and you  _loved_  her and-"

"I remembered everything from the past five years, and I remembered how I had always pushed down my feelings for you because I was so scared that you'd never feel that way about me."

Yosuke instantly stopped talking.

"I remembered dating Rise and allowing myself to fall under the illusion that I could be happy with her if I just kept trying for it. I remembered thinking I could forget you somehow if I was with someone else long enough."

Souji's voice broke somewhat as he spoke, and Yosuke felt the tears stinging at the corner of his eyes again and finally giving in and letting a few fall.

"And then when I woke up this morning and you weren't there, I remembered how I just can't bring myself to do it anymore." Souji inhaled uneasily, looking at Yosuke with tears threatening to fall as well. 

"I've tried for so long to deny all these feelings I have for you Yosuke. But being with you these past two months when I couldn't remember anything just made me remember all the reasons why I fell in love with you all those years ago."

"No matter how hard I try, it's not going to go away. I can't keep living like that anymore, so I broke off everything with Rise. Which was just oddly funny since she was almost expecting it." Souji laughed lightly more so out of disbelief, but afterward he finally took a step forward towards Yosuke.

"I just have to know now, if you still feel the same way."

Yosuke smiled, tears still falling freely as he ran a hand onto Souji's cheek before leaning in to kiss his lips softly. He pulled back just enough to stare at him as he spoke over his lips.

"I do. I always have."

Hearing  _'I love you'_ from Souji somehow made everything he had gone through in the past five years worth it.

**_A lifetime of 'I love yous' would make it even better._ **

_~ fin._


End file.
